I want to talk about one of my favorite topics – sex.

a couple's feet poking out from under bedsheets

Sexual Health

It’s important bringing this topic to people, because all too often it’s a taboo subject. I’m going to discuss some therapeutic advances in the study of sex along with things you can do to start having better sex tonight.

If you think about it, sex is the reason why we’re all here. The earth would not propagate, it wouldn’t go forward without it. Obviously sex has to be a vital instrumental in promoting health because life supports life. That’s why it’s so important.

There are a lot of professionals available to help us get a better understanding of ourselves and our sex lives. You have a sexologist, which a lot of people think is a sex therapist or an educator but that’s not entirely correct. Even within sexology there are different categories of professionals.

One specialty within the study of sexology is somatic sexology and what that means is that a practitioner has a more of a hands on approach to sex. They have a specialized license so when their clients see them they actually look at what’s going on in a more in-depth view. So how does someone benefit from a somatic sexologist? They don’t need to necessarily have something wrong to seek out a sexologist, they can just be trying to see what is possible or take their sex life to a deeper level.

Our biggest hidden fears, our fears of failure our fears about money our insecurities all surface during sex.

The sad part there is shame on both ends of the spectrum when it comes to wanting to improve your sex life. If you have challenges with your sex life or your sexuality, there’s shame in admitting you have a problem and in seeking help. On the other end of the spectrum, if you love sex and you’re comfortable with it, there’s shame there because you don’t think you should enjoy your sexual experience because we’re told it’s bad or wrong.

We need to have a conversation, a community around sexuality.  It should be celebrated and cultivated. It should not involve any shame, blame or something we need to hide. Only then will we be  able to not only step out and have freedom of expression but also create relationships that have a deep connection and unbridled passion for a lifetime.

Here’s some sobering statistics. One in seven relationships is sexless in America. Some studies say that the number is closer to one in three. We have a fifty percent divorce rate and over thirty percent of people who are in a relationship are unhappy with it and are not having sex.  So we only have twenty percent of people who are actually enjoying themselves and having sex in their relationships.

Sex is so important to your health and vitality and that’s why I have an entire section about it in my book. It’s one of my seven essentials of Mastering Vitality. By essential, I mean that if it goes away life does not continue.  There’s so much shame, anger and emotion around sex. I’ve even had people question how I could put sex before spirituality because spirituality is one of the essentials of Mastering Vitality as well. There is no order of importance, all seven are vital. You have to remember our sexuality and our spirituality are connected, our sexuality and what we eat, are connected. It’s even connected to our wealth.  When you take a holistic viewpoint of life, and sexuality is part of that holistic view,  we become more successful and happy people.

Then there are the health benefits of sex, which is a great bonus!  It lowers blood pressure, it relieves stress, elevates our mood and improves memory. It also boosts the immune system and improves bladder control. There’s so many things that it does for the body because the body wants to be stronger and be more vital – so it can procreate.

If you’re interested in taking your sex life to the next level there are some practical things that you can do starting tonight!

  • Try open mouth breathing with your partner when you’re face to face and looking into each other’s eyes.
  • Make authentic sounds during sex. Be vocal and let your pleasure be heard!
  • Don’t be afraid to move!
  • Know what type of touch you and your partner like. If you don’t know, ask.
  • At the most basic level, you just really need to be present in the pleasure and pay attention to what feels good. In order to do that you need to  slow down and smell the roses. Ignore the negative voices in your head and focus on your partner. .

Better, life-enhancing sex really can be that easy!

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